‘The floodgates were supposed to open’

Westmeath couple reflect on ten years of Marriage Equality

By Rebekah O'Reilly

When Marriage Equality passed in Ireland on May 22, 2015, many in the LGBTQ+ community believed it would open the door to broader queer rights and acceptance.

However, in the decade since, same-sex marriage has often felt more like a pacifier or token gesture than a true breakthrough.

Ahead of the 10th anniversary of the Marriage Equality referendum, Westmeath couple EJ Smyth and Clair Battle spoke to the Westmeath Independent about their experiences as a queer couple.

Having lived in Dublin for a number of years, the couple now reside in Westmeath - much to Clair’s own surprise.

“Growing up in the Midlands, I wasn’t ‘the only gay in the village’ so to speak, but I was the only one who told other people. And in the '90s, that was all I was known for.

“In a way, it’s hard to believe I ever moved back to Westmeath, but now people don’t pay any heed to us. We have neighbours who are older, and they’re our good friends.”

The couple, both aged 46, have now been together for four years, and chose to get married last year. They describe themselves as “late bloomers” when it comes to love.

“I suppose when both of us were on the gay scene in our twenties, marriage wasn’t really at the forefront of our minds,” EJ said. “Especially because we would be considered late bloomers when it comes to coming out and dating.”

EJ and Clair were living in very different worlds at the time of the referendum. EJ was in Dublin, surrounded by allies and other LGBTQ+ people, while Westmeath native Clair felt surrounded by more conservative attitudes.

“I put marriage to the back of my mind in my twenties,” EJ explained. “It felt like something distant - something I couldn’t have.

“It wasn’t until later I realised this isn’t just about me. It’s about everybody in my community. You want to fight for it more once you realise that.”

Clair, on the other hand, had maternal instincts from a young age, and saw marriage as a necessary legal tool for building a family.

“I never wanted to get married, and I knew it wasn't something I could do. But unlike EJ, I always wanted to have a family, and I thought, in order to give this potential child any rights, marriage would have to happen.”

Clair campaigned during the referendum and recalled how difficult it was to navigate the reactions of friends and family.

“I have a lot of more conservative family members, it’s just an older generation,” she said. “I remember I decided to send a text message to all my friends and family asking them to vote. I didn’t know how they’d respond. I got a lot of silence, but also a lot of positive replies from people I didn’t expect to support me.”

Reflecting on the ten years since the vote, both EJ and Clair feel that progress has stalled.

“In the last ten years, I’d say things have stayed the same. After the referendum, the floodgates were supposed to open,” Clair said, noting that it only improved things for a standard representation of the queer community.

EJ added: “It was like ticking a box to say ‘we let people vote on it’ but nothing has been extended since. Marriage only really included male/male and female/female couples, and there are so many people left out.

“You just want to feel as respected, and that you have the same rights, as your friends, siblings, cousins, and everyone else you know. When you see people getting married all around you, you think: actually, my love is just as valid as theirs. This is ridiculous.”

For EJ, the personal and professional implications of marriage equality run deep. She now works as a florist specialising in weddings with her business Smyth And Bloom.

“If we weren’t able to get married, I probably wouldn’t have gone on to specialise in weddings,” EJ said. “It would feel like being surrounded by something I couldn’t have. You would feel like people think you’re less than.”

Clair trained as a Montessori teacher, but now works in Trinity College as a Communication & Training Specialist. She added: “I’m smiling because I totally get where you’re coming from. I trained as a Montessori teacher because I love kids, and being with other people’s kids everyday does suck when you can’t have one of your own.”

When asked what progress they had hoped would follow the referendum, both agreed that same-sex marriage is only a narrow solution.

“It’s more about property rights than emotional or personal rights,” said Clair. “We’re lucky to own our home together, so legally we’re protected that way.

“But when it comes to children, it’s all set up so that only the biological parent has rights. That needs to change.”

They also stressed the need for broader inclusivity across the LGBTQ+ community.

“There are so many people beyond same-sex couples,” EJ said. “And there’s been no advancement for those who don’t fit into the standard box.

“We need to start talking about protecting trans kids and trans people. We need to talk more about gender, inclusivity, and moving away from these rigid boxes people think we need to fit into.”