Jean's Journal: And the Mammies of the world smile on!

My siblings and I decided that if there was a speech bubble above our father’s head in the above photo it would read, “Where’s the nearest pub?”

The photo was taken in the summer of 1952. My mother was 26 and had three children by then. Sheelagh is just three. I’m one and a half. Baby Ursula is a couple of months old.

In defence of my father and his sour face, when my three children were small I, too, often felt like he looks! I would love to have escaped from them, for a little while! I’d say that there isn’t a parent on earth who didn’t feel like this, at some time.

However, the mammies of the world continue to smile on, as they always did!

Many years later, when I was a mother of three little children myself, I worked outside the home. Crèches hadn’t been invented yet! There was no need for them in the 1970s and 80s. This was because most mothers stayed at home, as their mothers had done.

My sister’s sister-in-law minded my three much–loved children every day. She lived nearby and I walked down to her, with them, before heading to school. She had two children of her own, the same age as mine, so they all played together. I was always happy to leave them in her capable hands, in a family home, like my own.

The huge advantage of this was that if my children were sick, she still minded them, with great loving care.

This is not the case with crèches. The following two stories are true.

Case number 1: Aisling gave birth to Ronan a year ago. She was able to remain at home with her beloved son for 12 months, which was wonderful. Last week she went back to school, teaching honours maths in a very big secondary school, in Dublin. Aisling loves her job and was actually looking forward to returning and getting out of the house.

She had been leaving Ronan into a crèche during August and he settled there very well. She was up early on her first morning back, with lots to do. Her husband was gone to Belfast that week, for work.

Aisling left her happy little boy into the crèche and drove to her school. She was delighted to meet her colleagues for a coffee in the staff room and then went to her classroom. Ten minutes into her first lesson, she received a phone call from the crèche. Ronan had a nose bleed and must be collected immediately. What to do!

Case number 2: Tom, the plumber, promised Marianne that he would definitely call to her at nine o’clock on Monday morning to fix her leaking toilet. Dubious-coloured liquid was running down the walls of her kitchen beneath the bathroom. This was an emergency indeed.

Tom arrived on time, saying that he had just left his twins, aged 9, into school. He disconnected the toilet and all was going well, until his phone rang. One of the twins had fallen in the playground, at little break. She would need to be taken to A&E immediately. Tom told Marianne that he would have to leave the job. His wife was a nurse in Crumlin Children’s Hospital and was not available to help.

These are just two real examples of the difficulties faced by working parents. If the children are not sick and are settled in a crèche, all works well. However, any illness upsets the apple cart completely.

I’m sure that many of you who are grandparents (and live near your grandchildren) have stepped in to help. In the first situation, above, Aisling phoned her mother. Granny drove to the crèche and collected the child (whose nose had stopped bleeding and never bled again!)

However, many young parents live far from helpful grannies and have no-one to call on. They must leave their place of work and take the child home. This is extremely disruptive for all.

I do see the crèches’ point of view. A child might pass on an infection to all the other children. The solution seems to be to have a special room for sick children, in the crèche. However, a nurse would need to be employed. All this would only add to the already high cost of child care.

So, for any young parents planning childcare before they return to work – they need have a plan A and plan B in place. Plan B would involve having a relation, friend or neighbour on stand-by, at all times, to take care of a sick child. And, to be honest, if a child is very sick, what they really want is to be cuddled on Mammy’s lap all day - not on anyone else’s!

Bosses don’t find this easy. Neither do working parents. Is it any wonder that the birth rate is falling in almost every country in the world? We read a lot about this, all the time. Many younger couples are choosing not to have any children because they see the hardship endured by their colleagues at work. They realise that no-one can have it all!

Apparently, pets are filling the emotional space left by having no children! I read about a couple who have two pet pigs. They sleep in their owner’s bed, every night. Dogs are mostly adored by their owners. I know this because I am married to one!

However, no amount of doggy (or piggy) cuddles will make up for the fact that, for the first time ever, humans are not producing enough babies to sustain the population of the world.

jeanfarrell@live.ie