A life lived across continents
HOME IS WHERE THE HEARTH IS: In this column, written by Navjyoti Dalal, we shine a spotlight on the immigrant experience. And, as a cultural exchange, ask them to share food recipes they hold dear. Here we meet Omolayo Nkemakonam Oyudo, a Nigerian-American communications strategist, who finds her current home, Athlone, perfect for raising a family.
As a Nigerian raised in the US, Omolayo Nkemakonam Oyudo often felt like an in-betweener growing up.
Even though her way of speaking and mannerisms were quite American, she wasn't American enough for America. On the other hand, whenever she visited home, she didn't get any validation from her cousins on her Nigerian-ness.
Home and identity often become a trick question for children of immigrant parents. But Omolayo didn't see it as a limitation. For her, it was expansion instead.
She chose to see herself as more -- more than a Nigerian or American. When she came to France as a Fulbright scholar, she added some French-ness to her identity, while Britain left an imprint when Omolayo stayed in London for her Masters studies.
She takes these journeys in her stride, with a belief that she may have come from Nigeria and America, but it is the world that she belongs to. And for the last five years, Ireland has been her oyster.
Mapping Journeys
Omolayo's parents come from different tribes, Ebo (mother) and Yoruba (father) in Nigeria, and for the same reason, their union was uncommon for its time. Educated, progressive and practical, the couple decided to create a better life for their children, and hence moved to the US when Omolayo was only seven.
"We landed on Christmas day in 1999. My earliest memory from that time is of snow, and playing in it. We were in St Mary's County, Maryland, which was somewhere between a town and a village, rural but with infrastructure," Omolayo recounts.
Her father, an erudite linguist, knew more than six languages with proficiency, and was a professor at the University of Maryland, teaching German. Her mother was a teacher at a local secondary school. The new life stood in contrast with the old. The family had emigrated from Ondo town, Nigeria, to St Mary's County, Maryland.
"Even though we spoke good English, we were put in ESOL (English for Speakers of Other Languages) classes, probably because of the accent.
"The community structure was different in the two places. While in Ondo, the neighbourhood was your community, in the US the communities were structured around schools, church, and more.
"There was also some amount of isolation, for every place was a drive away, whereas in Ondo every place, church, grocery store, shopping centre, were a short walk from home," shares Omolayo.
She adds that for migrants people who made the new place home etch themselves in your memory with their deeds.
"People would support you, they would come together for you. When my mother gave birth to my sister, her colleague at school brought food for us. That's how I got introduced to shepherd's pie and lasagna," says Omolayo, who is still close to her friends from St Mary's County.
Blazing a Trail
An outspoken person since her early years, Omolayo had participated in many debating contests in school. She was aware of voice, and the power of communication. In 2010 she visited Nigeria for the first time after her move to America. The experience instilled in her dreams of using her voice.
"I was on the brink of choosing my subjects for the undergrad programme. I saw these two cultures and geographies, and wanted to do something where I could use communication to bridge the gap. I was dreaming of working in the UN or the International Olympics Committee," says Omolayo, who studied international studies and communications (minoring in French and African studies) for her bachelors degree at Elon University in North Carolina.
Nursing dreams of change, welfare and development, she, along with a student from Ghana, started a students' society, the African Society.
"For the six-months study abroad programme, which was part of my undergrad studies, I chose to study in Senegal. I saw that the roles of men and women were so strongly cut-out for them. For instance, while women cooked, men ate first, women always after.
"The experience brought me closer to feminism, and inspired me to study feminist philosophy in depth," says Omolayo, who presented her thesis on 'Senegalese Migration Narratives'.
Following that, she spent 2015 in France as a Fulbright scholar, on the outskirts of Paris, teaching English to secondary school students, most of whom belonged to the migrant category.
The unstoppable young girl found herself feeling the pull of homeland and decided to spend some time in Nigeria, doing welfare work with ECOWAS, at the community court of justice in Abuja. All of her academics and social work was preparing her for a Masters programme in London, studying Migration, Mobility and Development at the School of Oriental and African Studies (SOAS). Soon after, she began working with a research firm which worked on remittances, financial inclusion and diaspora engagement. Her team worked on Africa.
A place to call home
Working at ECOWAS in Abuja, gave Omolayo a sense of purpose and direction, though not in her professional life.
"I knew Gerald (Oyudo) for a long time, because he is my mother's friend's son. But during my year in Nigeria we became close and started seeing each other. He is an amazing person, who is very supportive as a partner of my growth and dreams. He is also a very present and intentional father around our children," says Omolayo, who got married to the software engineer in 2019.
The couple, along with their toddler son, moved to Ireland in 2021, leading to a new chapter in Omolayo's life. It was the first time in a long time she found herself not rushing to the next thing. It was the first time she found herself decorating her space.
"Between my undergrad in the US, to when we moved to Ireland, I have been bouncing around -- US, France, Nigeria, London. I wasn't at a place for long enough to call it home.
"Ireland has given me the time, space and opportunity to make a place home, to think about decorating it, to fill a space with joy and happiness. I love calling this place home," says Omolayo, who admires Athlone for being designed around families.
A mother of three, Omolayo enjoys raising her children, Chizulom, Chideziri, and Chiazagom, in this town with Gerald.
She is also an active member of the Ciudiu breastfeeding support group, other Mom groups, and a St Mary's parish church community, while also making time to work remotely for a US-based non-profit as a director of operations and communications.
She feels blessed to have lived a life researching and analysing demographics and numbers, but also being a mother, recording her children's babbles and antics on her phone, cooking them their favourite meal, taking them out to the playground.
The home she created also became her cocoon during a deeply tragic loss. In 2020 she lost her 30-year-old brother to an accident on a holiday in another country. "I was on autopilot for a long time with the grief. But when we bought our home, and started doing it up with intention and love, the process healed some part of me. This home, this present time with my children, is special," she shares.
Migration has served as a constant leitmotif in Omolayo's life, whether as a relocation or as an academic quest. For now her journey is within, to herself.
If you, or someone you know, are an immigrant with a story to share write to us at editor@westmeathindependent.ie, or: navjyoti.d@gmail.com
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Recipe: Coconut Jollof Rice
Jollof Rice is a popular Nigerian dish, the coconut version of the same has a more nuanced flavour profile. Omolayo makes it for special occasions like birthdays or when having guests over. She serves it with banana chips, steamed veggies, and a protein like grilled chicken or salmon.
Ingredients:
2 cups long grain rice
5 medium-large vine tomatoes, diced
1 tsp curry powder
1 tsp thyme
2 tbsp tomato paste
1 beef bouillon cube
Bay leaves
1 tin coconut milk
Seasoning to taste (all-purpose mix, coriander, black pepper, or extra curry and thyme)
Salt
Instructions:
Heat the coconut oil and sauté onion, curry and thyme until soft. Stir in tomato paste and seasoning, cook 5 minutes, then add tomatoes and simmer until oil rises. Add coconut milk, bubble 5 minutes. Rinse rice till clear, add with bay leaves, cover and cook on low until tender.