Jean's Journal: Expression is the opposite to depression

by Jean Farrell

I have read and enjoyed both books pictured here. I bought Liz Nugent’s latest one because I enjoyed her previous novel Strange Sally Diamond so much.

Strange Sally Diamond is set in rural Roscommon. Liz Nugent’s father, John Nugent, lived there in later life. He was a member of Athlone Writers’ Group at one stage and I knew him well. If you enjoy a story with plenty of ‘meat’ in it, I recommend Liz Nugent’s novels.

The second book pictured here is by well-known writer Cathy Kelly. The plot, in a nutshell, is that a famous retired therapist, called Rose, sets up a retreat house in Corfu. Six very different people come to spend time there, hoping to sort themselves out.

The reason I enjoyed it so much is that I learnt a lot from it. I learnt from the advice that was given and shared in this story.

I was reminded that we can’t change other people, we can only change ourselves and how we react to them.

I read that an important question we must ask ourselves is: 'What do you want and what are you doing about it?'

I thought about what I want most. The answer is, I want to have inner peace so that whatever happens outside doesn’t matter. My happiness then wouldn’t be dependent on other people and on events I have no control over.

So, I shall seek inner peace and serenity. I shall start practising meditation, mindfulness and gratitude. I shall start sending time with nature and I shall try to stop talking! Hopefully, in time, I will find inner peace and serenity!

A big message I took note of, from this book, is that feelings must be expressed. A woman, in Cathy Kelly’s story, told the group about her awful husband and her unhappiness for many years. Rose, the therapist, asking her a question that I have thought a lot about since. “What did you do with all the rage and fury you felt?”

I thought of the housewives of old whom I wrote about in my columns lately. These were the women whose husbands drank their weekly wage.

These sensible mothers of many must have been raging, absolutely raging, and full of fury a lot of the time. In most cases they couldn’t ‘explode’ because this would upset all their children. And, they learnt that there was no point in shouting and roaring at their husbands because he wouldn’t (or couldn’t?) stop drinking.

So, what did they do with all this rage and fury? We know now that supressed rage can lead to depression, anxiety and/or physical ailments. Sadly, many mothers of that time suffered from all three. I think of the saying. “You don’t get ulcers from what you eat. You get them from what’s eating you.”

I knew such a woman. She told the priest, in Confession, that she didn’t think she could cope any more. “You are a saint,” was his reply. “Your reward will be in Heaven. Offer it up for The Holy Souls.”

She didn’t bother with the souls in Purgatory. Instead, she did The Nine First Fridays, The Five First Saturdays, and the 30-days-prayer, all the time desperately begging God to make her husband have a heart attack and die.

“None of the novenas worked,” she said sadly. “Even Our Lord didn’t want him!”

This woman, very sadly, suffered from chronic ulcerated colitis for many years, caused purely by stress and anxiety.

Before I leave this depressing subject, I must add that these depressing situations continue. On the radio, only the other day, I heard of a mother and her children who had become homeless. Why? Her husband had spent the rent money, due to his ‘addiction issues’.

All I can say is - make sure the girls in your life become financially independent. I thought of this lately, as I attended Confirmation ceremonies and observed bright young girls, on the cusp of adulthood.

There were lovely photographs of many girls making their confirmation, in this paper recently. I studied them in detail. A couple of weeks ago I wrote about attending two confirmation ceremonies myself. I made the following comment, ‘The vast majority of the girls wore pretty knee-length dresses and short denim jackets.’

Would you believe that out of the 19 photographs of confirmation girls, pictured in this paper, 16 wore pretty knee-length dresses and short denim jackets! And there would have been uproar if it had been suggested that they wear ‘a uniform!’

An aside, I heard a comedienne talking about this sacrament recently. She called it, “Confirmation, sponsored by Pandora.” I know what she means, because they all wore this jewellery too!

Something else has come to my attention, as I read this paper weekly. It is how well the next generation of some of our Athlone musical families are doing. We have all heard Bernard and Patrice Coyle singing in our theatres and churches. Their young daughter, Eva, is now a prominent Irish folk singer-songwriter and doing very well internationally.

Those of you my age will remember how wonderful Liam Dwan was, as a comic actor, in our local musicals. His daughter, Lisa Dwan, has become a famous international actress, best known for her work in theatre and films.

For as long as I am reading this paper, I’ve been reading about the Kilduff family and their long involvement in drama and musicals. Alfie and Kori Kilduff are continuing this tradition, directing and performing in our annual pantomime, as well as running stage schools.

We are proud of them all.

jeanfarrell@live.ie