Jean's Journal: Understanding and managing our emotions
by Jean Farrell
A couple of weeks ago my article was advising you to spend all your money. Now, here I am advising you how to save a fortune!
Aren’t these wedding dresses (above) beautiful? They were on sale in the Simon second-hand shop for €50. Where would you get such a great bargain? They appeared to be perfect in every way. Wouldn’t you nearly get married again to wear one of them?
School children are on their long holidays, these days. For working parents, this poses problems. Many grannies are called upon to help out. Perhaps you are one of these.
My friend, a granny, is minding a two-year-old and a six-year-old in her house, out in the country, for the summer. It isn’t easy. The temptation to turn on the telly is huge, but against her daughter’s wishes!
I think that it is a great advantage to live in a cul-de-sac, in town, when children are young. They have ready-made friends and can play games together outside their front doors. Here they learn great social skills too.
I wonder do those of you my age remember the following. (I’ve mentioned this before, but as we are the only generation who can recall the event, I want to refer to it again!) In 1969 we finished our Leaving Cert and officially left school. I tore up all my notes and abandoned my books for good.
What we didn’t know then was that students in a De La Salle School, in Churchtown Dublin, had managed to steal the exam papers on June 12, prior to the exams starting.
Google reminds me, “Although there was no such thing as twittering at the time, the papers made their way into other students’ hands at a rapid pace. They were sold for between £1 and £20 by the thieves to students at monied schools all over Dublin. It was estimated that at least 250 students had seen the papers before the matter came to the attention of the authorities.”
Imagine our horror at having to return to boarding school (with all our sheets and blankets) to re-sit our English and Maths papers a second time. We did this on Friday, June 27, and Saturday, June 28 in 1969. Four people were later charged with theft. These four students would be in their mid-70s now.
I was surprised to learn that at the time I sat my Leaving Cert, in 1969, Catholics were still not allowed to attend Trinity College.
Young readers will be astonished to know that the (all important) Archbishop of Dublin, John Charles McQuaid, forbade Roman Catholics from attending Trinity College Dublin “without special ecclesiastical dispensation.” He declared it “a mortal sin” to do so (and that meant Hell for all eternity!) The ban was lifted in 1970.
The same year, 1970, was when UCD moved from Earlsfort Terrace, in the city centre, out to Belfield.
After all our studies we then had to find a job. There was a supplement in this paper recently advertising what jobs are available nowadays. I read it with interest. It informed me that one of the most sought-after skills in demand by employers is emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence (often called EQ) is simply the ability to understand and manage emotions. It means knowing how you feel, knowing how others feel and using that awareness to guide your behaviour and relationships.
This is now taught in school as part of the social, personal and health education programme. Children are taught to ‘know, name and express their emotions in a socially-appropriate manner.’
I’ll give you what I consider to be a perfect example of this in operation. My two grandchildren were here some years ago. The youngest was celebrating her third birthday and we were all busy getting her party ready.
I noticed that her seven-year-old brother was bothered. I sat with him and asked him how he was feeling. He thought for a minute. “I’m jealous,” he said. How wonderful that he could know and name his emotion. This was as a result of lessons learnt in school.
I knew this, because, at that time I was teaching children his age myself, in first class. We then talked about why he was jealous and what we could do about it. I know that he felt much better after our chat, as we did some job together that he chose. Had he not learnt to ‘know name and express his feelings’ he might have had a tantrum instead!
It’s the same in the workplace. An employee who lacks emotional intelligence will act impulsively, speak out of turn, and ruin working relationships.
Our generation never learnt about feelings. One night I was with a group of women. The subject of husbands came up (as it does!) One angry woman announced to us all, “My husband is emotionally stunted.”
She spoke of some recent upsetting family event. “How do you feel?” she asked him, when they alone afterwards, “How do you mean how do I feel?” he asked her in tone of voice that implied he had never heard such a stupid question!
He then headed to the pub where he discussed every move in a local GAA match. She rang a friend and discussed every detail of the upsetting event, saying how sad and upset she felt.
Many of us know many older men who are also ‘emotionally stunted.’ Indeed, our pubs are full of them! Hopefully the next generation of males will be able to express how they feel. They will definitely be the better for it.
jeanfarrell@live.ie